Observations At a Wedding Reception

Something on a lighter note today. I attended my nephew’s wedding and reception yesterday in Elyria Ohio. My nephew, Doug has been living with his new wife, Abby for awhile now in their new home in North Carolina. I actually think living with someone can offer insight on how your married life might go. Abby seems like a lovely girl who will make Doug a good wife and vice versa.

The wedding was at a United Church of Christ church with a woman minister. I think religions like the Catholic Church are missing out big time not having women as ministers and priests. The minister talked about how no one is perfect. It got me thinking that a couple planning a wedding try to plan a perfect wedding. That would be a nice start to a marriage as much in your married life will be imperfect. Truth is the wedding went well but the reception did not go so well. That is because Abby had been fighting some kind of a bug for a few days and had already lost her voice. While doing the bridal dance she had to make a dash for the bathroom, as she was feeling ill.

So the imperfections of marriage had set in as early as the reception. On the bright side that is learning about the unexpected mysterious events that life is going to throw at you. The Elecpencil wouldn’t get up every morning if he didn’t think he was going face the mystery’s of life and learn something. Well, that and the fact every morning Mrs. Elecpencil says, “Get up you’re going to be late.”

Best wishes Abby and Doug. This couple has waited until their late 20’s to get married and I think that gives them a better chance at having a marriage that will stand the test of time. I wrote the following poem awhile back after observing some receptions of couples that were married years younger than Abby and Doug and I can tell you most of them are already divorced.

Observations on the Occasion of a Wedding Reception

These kids are too damn young.
The younger the bride
the more bridesmaids she has.
Here at the reception sat eight
all in dresses they hated
it’s some unwritten law.
But it’s the bride’s day not theirs,
and a fortune was spent
on a hall, a dress and limos.
So guest must make due
with 7 oz. pony bottles of Blatz,
rum and cokes, heavy on the coke,
and red wine in a box.
There’s Mostacholi without enough sause
along with a salad dripping in dressing.
The wedding couple passes
the laden cookie table
to go cut their cake.
They tackily shove it
into each others face.
A 5-piece band
strikes up polkas
and the obligatory
Proud Mary and
Joy to the World.
They ignore a request
from the Best Man for
She’s Having My Baby and
Another One Bites the Dust.
A dance line chugs around to,
Do the Locomotion.
An old flame of the groom
wants to know if
the band will play,
The Lady is a Tramp.
Gigolos electric slide,
kids and grandmas
do the Macarena and
the chicken dance.
Babas and Stedababas
tell single girls
twice the bride’s age
their marriage is next.
The sound of these girls’s eye’s
rolling back in their head’s,
can be heard over the band.
In the bathrooms
drunken teenagers
hug the porcelain telephone
and yell in the receiver
for Ralph.
Open collared, gold chained,
snake skin boot wearing,
cigar smoking, beer breathed,
Cadillac driving,
multi-divorced,
would be Romeo’s
offer up sage advice
to the wide-eyed groom.
Like: she got the wedding ring
and you get the suffering.
and: Wedlock, not enough wed
and too much lock.
Another adds: you didn’t fall
into her arms
you fell into her hands.
The groom is made
to feel like a pimp,
while men line up to pay
for a bridal dance.
He becomes angry
when she dances close
with an ex-boyfriend
she had insisted on inviting.
The bride had met
the groom’s number one
priority for marriage material,
she liked to party her ass off.
She fell in love with him
because he has cute buns.
These are the foundations
for a marriage now a days.
The band takes a break
and the groom joins them
outside the hall for a doobie.
The bride’s father passes by
and shakes his head.
He can’t believe he has lost
his little princess
to this sad loser.
He had been thinking,
he’d turn her bedroom
into a computer room.
Unfortunately his wife
had nixed that idea.
She claimed they needed
to keep the room as it is.
That way their daughter
would have a place
to come if the marriage
didn’t work out.
That doesn’t sound good
to the father who dipped
into his retirement fund
to pay for the wedding.
He’s thinking about
the extra five years
he’ll have to work.
He strolls past a red Camaro
whose coil springs
bounce up and down.
As the best man
and a bridesmaid’s
legs dangle from a window.
The bride’s father is glad
someone got something
out of all this.

Chicken Dance Polka

Doing the Locomotion

Proud Mary Sung at a Wedding

A Sad Comment On Marital Bliss

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck

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