This morning I stopped at the Nothside Farmer’s Market. It is held at the First Unitarian Universalist Church. The location is 1105 Elm St. Youngstown, Ohio. Musician, Mike Stout came from Pittsburgh to sing. If you like your rock with a social conscience, there is no better singer/songwriter around than Mike. He has a new recording coming out soon and I will posts some music from it if I can figure out this whole “internets” thing.
Glenn Beck and FOX NEWS spent a year blowing a high-pitched dog whistle. In the end 87,000 lap dogs came to D. C. to hear mad dog, Glenn Beck pretend to be the second coming. No seas were parted and no bush spontaneously combusted. On the other hand some geese flew over head in a v formation and Messiah Beck declared it a miracle. Beck would like everyone to believe the v was for victory.
I have it on “God” authority it was a v for victims, meaning the 87,000 in attendance. I got that message from God through my car radio. Mrs. Elecpencil and I were on our way to nearby Yankee Lake Tavern for $1 Wednesday tacos. We were driving down Kings Grave Road when three wild turkeys appeared in the road before Mrs. E’s beloved Ford Taurus (recent miracle survivor of a fallen tree). I was singing along to a CD of one of my favorite songs when I had to brake hard. The song is the Clash tune, “Radio Clash.” I was belting out (to Mrs. E’s chagrin), “Using aural ammunition can we get that world to listen?” I patiently waited for the Meleagriss gallopavo (Wild Turkey) that I noted waddled by in a kind of perp walk. Mrs. E said, “The turkey showed up because your singing resembles a turkey call.”
At that instant the Clash CD went dead and a voice that sounded like Orson Welles (look it up youngsters) came across my radio. It said, “Listen up, this is God. Tell everyone Beck is a clown, controlled by wealthy puppet masters. Puppet masters like FOX NEWS’s Rupert Murdock and the Koch brothers who paid to “Greyhound” the lap dog Teabaggers (God calls them that so I guess it’s the proper way to address them) to D.C. These wealthy soulless men know that a loud barking dog is all that is necessary to herd sheep, to the shearing and eventual slaughter. That is why the wealthy pay brainless rabid dogs like Beck, Hannity, Savage, O’Reilly, Stossell, Limbaugh etc. big piles of green Alpo to do their bidding. I don’t want to also forget to mention the bitches side. That’s where we have hate hags like: Coulter, Maulkin, Dr. Laura, Laura Ingraham, Michelle Bachmann and Peggy Noonan. Sorry, I forgot Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Palin. I actually blame these two on the supply supervisor at the human assembly line. He ordered drains instead of brains one day and Elisabeth and Sarah left the factory with sewer plumbing instead of cerebellum.”
He continued, “I can be a bit of a trickster. Lately I’ve been playing tricks on that hillbilly bimbo quitter Palin. Before she gives speeches I’ve been dirtying her hands. She then washes her hands and erases her notes. God, (I mean I) love then seeing that idiot wing it. I really do love America best. Where else on Earth could someone like Palin who has never read a book become a best-selling author? Has anyone on Earth figured out what purpose Paris Hilton serves? Get back to me if you have an answer because for the life (an eternal one) of me I can’t figure out why I created her.”
He continued, “Tell people Glenn Beck is a former drug addict who frequented prostitutes. He is now hooked on power and whores himself out to corporations. In the D.C. rally he tapped into religion in the most cynical way possible and extracted his pieces of silver like Judas. The Tea Party is an astro turf citizens’ movement brought to you by a bunch of oil billionaires. These billionaires use phony front organizations to dupe Teabaggers into thinking that they are fighting powerful vested interests. In truth, they are being manipulated by powerful vested corporate interests who want to take over the government. You know, socialism corporate style. These corporations want to deregulate everything and gain access to the treasury. These economically and intellectually challenged Teabagger dolts and rubes (God’s terms) are being set up to help commit the suicide of the middle-class.”
I said, “Why god are you telling me this?” He said, “It’s God with a big “G’ not a little “g.” He added, “I need someone to turn a light on and warn these Teabaggers.” I replied, “God (with a big G) I don’t know what you mean about the light thing.” He bellowed, “When you turn the light on the roaches scurry away. So someone has to shine the light and expose these corporate roaches and I’m picking you.” I answered, “Listen I’ve only got this blog and I don’t think it even reaches many people. Also, I shouldn’t be blogging as I’m a lousy speller and lack grammar and punctuation skills.” God replied, “It’s not how you say things but what you say that counts.” I responded, “Didn’t you just point out that I used a small g instead of a big G when I refered to you?” “Sorry” he said.
He continued, “Your blog reaches more people than you think.” I don’t get many comments” I shot back. He came back with, “You get quite a few e-mails about it though.” I said, “Yes, but they’re all negative.” He tried to console me, “People are way more likely to complain than agree or praise. It’s the nature of the beast.” I asked, “You created this beast called, man so was it your mistake? Also, why did you create the ability to lie?” God sadly replied, “I lack a sense of humor so I created man flawed to amuse me. Let me tell you about my biggest chuckle. It’s when humans are so arrogant that they don’t believe that all the poisons they pump into the ground, water and air could cause something like Climate Change. Speaking of the fore mentioned Koch brothers they and other polluting industrialists spend millions writing checks to Climate Change deniers. Wait until these scumbags see the polluted retirement spot I have in store for them. As for lies, if conservatives could not lie, they would not have anything to say.”
He added, “I am a kind God and people should know that. An example of my kindness is that I gave Ronnie Reagan and Maggie Thatcher both dementia. That is because I did not want them to suffer by seeing the results of the greed and horrors their administrations unleashed on the world.”
I then asked, “What is Hell like?” He responded, “Imagine being on a bus for many hours with a group of not too bright misguided people who keep saying the whole ride, “I want my country back.” He continued, “Then the next thing you have to look forward to is standing in the hot sun for hours listening to stupid B.S. by pinheads like Palin and Beck. The whole Tea Bag Party is one big capitalist gangbang. Do you get the picture?”
“I disagree with you God I think you do have a sense of humor. But I’m not sure that I can get the message out that you want me to.” He whispered, “You already have. Next, you’d better build a blog ark because I’m sending you the miracle of a tidal wave of comments to flood your blog.” “We’ll see Lord” I said quietly. Mrs. E said, “What have you been babbling about?” I then noted how very long it took for just three turkeys to cross the road. My CD kicked back on to Radio Clash as I sang along, “This sound does not subscribe to the international plan. This is Radio Clash.”
We arrived at Yankee Lake to the wonderful beat of this song. We entered and had two tacos and a beer each and left with a bill of $7.50. For two people that’s a miracle!
“Show the Teabaggers this video.” ~ God
“That’s great you’re a wise deity.” ~ The Elecpencil
The Billionaires Bankrolling the Tea Party – NYTimes.com
The Clash: “Washington Bullets”
For MLK. ~ Joe Strummer: “Johnny Appleseed”
“Nirvana? That’s the place where the powers that be and their friends hang out” ~ Zonker Harris