“Ownership Auction”

I got an interesting call the other day with a new job opportunity. The Democratic Party from the 4th District of Ohio called and asked me if I’d run for U.S. congressman. The 4th district runs from Lima to Mansfield and includes 11 counties. This area is 92% white and 50% of the population has white-collar jobs. The 4th has not voted for a Democrat for president since 1964. If elected as a Democrat, I’d be the first Democrat congressman elected there since, 1936. I don’t have to live in the 4th as, candidates for the office of U.S. Representative must be a resident of the state from which elected, but do not have to live in the district for which they are running. Right now in Ohio the Republicans are pushing HB 319 to redistrict Ohio. The GOP’s new map creates 12 Republican districts and 4 Democratic districts in a 50-50 state. Given all this I would we wasting my time and the Democratic Party’s money running.

Did they want me to run because of my: altruism, empathy, clarity, wit, wisdom, charm, honesty, compassion, dedication, sincerity, personal integrity, incorruptibility, civility, political knowledge, humility or modesty? No, they wanted me to run because of the name I was given at birth. It seems the 4ths Republican congressman has the same name as me. He is a far right-wing conservative and an embarrassment to my surname. He is part of the reason I now go by the name, “Elecpencil.”  It seems the Democratic party in the 4th wanted to cause some kind of confusion with putting me on the ballot as a possible third-party to confuse the voters and take votes away from my name sake who some would think is running as a third-party candidate. Sadly, working-class voters in the 4th are so dumb they vote against their own interests and vote for the GOP candidates.

I turned down the idea of running not because it was a waste of time but because I feared even a small chance of getting elected. I am a man of peace but that would all end upon my arrival in D.C. There is no way I could sit in a room with that weasel, Eric Cantor or the evil witch of Ohio, “Mean Jean” Schmidt. Then there is that other Ohio loser LaTourette and my name sake in the 4th. Then we have that turd from New York, Pete King. When King isn’t voting 100% with the way his master Rush tells him he is bashing Occupy movement protesters. King said, “It’s really important for us not to give any legitimacy to these people in the streets,” He continued, “I remember what happened in the 1960’s when the left-wing took to the streets, and somehow the media glorified them and it ended up shaping policy. We can’t allow that to happen.” Dear Pete, those people in the streets in the 1960’s ended a god damn war.  You are one of those semi-chicken hawks who joined the National Guard to keep your ass out of Nam. Now the policy you care about is passing trade policies that destroy U.S. jobs and send them to Vietnam and China. That is a slap in the face to those veterans who served in Vietnam. How could I be in the same room with these people and not want to stomp them to death and spit on their dead bodies. See just thinking about this traitorous corporate owned scum brings out the Mr. Hyde side we all have down deep.

On the other hand, I’d love to hang out with Dennis Kucinich, Marcy Kaptur, Debbie Wasserman Schultz and senators like, Sherrod Brown and my favorite, Bernie Sanders. I’d also  love to sponsor my own legislation to make the country better. My first would be my idea of campaign finance reform called, “Ownership Auction.” Instead of politicians working every day not for the people but to garnish campaign money they could only get contributions one day a year. The corporations and lobbyist would have to come to a big barn annually and bid on politicians. It would be filmed by CSPAN so the public could watch and see who really owns our, “representatives.” I want legislation so that politician who vote to weaken clean air and water and food safety laws will be forced to drink polluted water, breathe dirty air and eat contaminated food. Legislation is needed so politicians who vote for war must along with their family lead the front line infantry charges. Politicians that have voted against minimum wage laws should be paid minimum wage. They will never have this raised as they also vote against unions that would have helped raise wages. Congressmen should not be exempt from bills they pass. I would push to turn Gitmo and the School of the Americas into universities where peace is taught. Teabaggers would be given the mental help they so desperately need. NRA members would be given the free Viagra they obviously need. If we can recognize, Communist China, Cambodia and Vietnam it is certainly time to recognize and trade with Cuba. Then there should be legislation to help workers with ESOP’s and other community owned and run businesses.

Hmmmm, I think I’m going to call the 4ths Democratic headquarters back. If they’ll pay for some anger management classes for me I think I could make these changes! I’ll be the only representative that won’t show up for “Ownership Auction.” Happy Holidays (whatever yours is) and vote, Elecpencil.

Why all of our presidents are corporate puppets:  Late great comedian Bill Hicks nails it.

GOP spirit of Christmas past.

Teabagger racism.

Bob Seger: Sock it to Me Santa

Tom Waits: Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis

Nat King Cole: Christmas Song

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~ Roy L. Smith

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3 Comments

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3 responses to ““Ownership Auction”

  1. EP for Congress!!! After all these years of people whose “serious” rhetoric sounds like a bad joke we need some good stand-up material on the floor of the House. (name unidentified), I would vote for you for anything though I plead with you to stick around the Valley. We need your ass here to keep us thinking, agitating and laughing. ps – where do I make a campaign contribution?

  2. elecpencil

    Thanks John no donations needed as I can’t run as I don’t want dragged through the mud for a position I can’t win. This Jim Jordan from Urbana is a former high school and college wrestler with a 150-1 record. My guess is this former wrestler could be a real mud wrestler. My job involves some privacy issues about the special needs consumers I work with and I certainly would not want their privacy invaded. I think we all need to donate more of our time to fight the forces of greed in the next year. I certainly hope I have the chance to work with so many in our valley who want a better future. To a better New Year!

  3. You sound like a gadget geek. Latest version of —- can be found on http://www.7bidz.com.

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