Talking Sh*t

The National Rifle Association (NRA) just had their annual convention in St. Louis. Musician Theodore Anthony Nugent serves on the Board of Directors at the NRA. At the convention Theodore Anthony said,” the Obama administration is a “vile, evil America-hating administration” that is “wiping its ass with the Constitution.” At a concert in 2007, Theodore brandished two assault rifles while yelling, “Obama, he’s a piece of shit. I told him to suck on my machine gun,” adding, “Hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch.”

The thing that shocks me is for Theodore to call anyone a “piece of shit.” Theodore Anthony’s life has been one shitload of crap after another. When Theodore was called up to serve in Vietnam he was shitting bricks. He decided he had to get his shit together and come up with a way to get out of serving in Nam. As he has said in various interviews over the decades, “I got 30 days’ notice of the physical, I ceased cleansing my body. Two weeks before the test I stopped eating food with nutritional value. A week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. My pants got crusted up.” This got Theodore out of being drafted which I’m sure did not please his drill Sergeant father.  Theodore now a days likes to think he is a patriot because he has concerts for U.S. troops. In 2004, he was in Iraq playing for U.S. soldiers. He got the opportunity to visit Saddam Hussein’s war room.  He stated, “It was a glorious moment. It looked like something out of Star Wars. I saw his gold toilet. I shat in his bidet.” He added, “Our failure has been not to Nagasaki them.” Of course if he had actually been a soldier he would have shit his pants the minute the troop carrier landed in Iraq.

Theodore is a conservative who has endorsed, Mitt Romney for president. That really is funny as you’d have to have shit for brains to want Theodore to endorse you if you are running as a candidate in the “family values” party. Theodore is a hypocritical sack of crap that has had the nerve to call out “hippies” for living an “irresponsible lifestyle of random sex.” Theodore Anthony has had two wives and has eight children, including three out-of-wedlock in two liaisons almost 30 years apart. Prior to his first marriage, Nugent fathered a boy, Ted and a girl, whom he gave up for adoption in infancy. The siblings were adopted separately and had no contact with one another. In 2005 he was involved in a legal battle for not paying enough child support for a child he had out-of-wedlock in 1995. In 1978, at the age of 30 he began a relationship with a 17 -year-old Hawaiian girl. Her parents signed documents to make Theodore her legal guardian, an arrangement that Spin magazine ranked in 2000 as #63 on their list of the “100 Sleaziest Moments in Rock. In a 1998 episode of VH1’s Behind the Music, Theodore admitted to being a serial pedophile. He celebrates his pedophilia in his song, “Jailbait” with the lyrics, “Well I don’t care if you’re just thirteen. You look too good to be true. Jailbait you look fine fine fine. I know I got to have you in a matter of time.”

Theodore Anthony thinks he’s tough shit because he’s a hunter. He owns a ranch near Jackson, Michigan where you can pay to hunt for bull bison ($5,000), Russian boar, or white-tailed deer ($1,000 each). Theodore has bought the animals so it is what people call a “canned” hunt. Theodore hates that term and prefers, “high fence hunting.” It is real bullshit hunting for old shits like, Dick Cheney. Theodore Anthony was busted for deer baiting during filming of his short-lived reality show and fined.

Theodore is one of those conservatives who have no use for “Big Government.” Guess who was one of the first musicians who ran scared shitless to “Big government” when websites like Rhapsody featured music that could be downloaded for free to fans? He needed the government’s help because he was up shit creek without a paddle. He hasn’t created any music people have wanted to buy in decades, so he wants to protect any money he might make on his oldies. Ted likes to think he’s some kind of working-class hero yet he told union Detroit Free Press workers to stop their strike and go back to work and the employer would pay what the market dictates. Yet when the music market is innovative and creates technology for consumers to download music for free he wanted “Big Government” to give a shit.

In the past Theodore has been criticized by people for making racist remarks and writing misogynistic songs. To those people I’d say, “No shit Sherlock that’s because he is a misogynist and a racist!” Now at the NRA conference he has said comments that many suggest are threats against President Obama. He was cheered for those comments by the shithead NRA members in attendance. He got himself in deep shit and was investigated by the secret service. He can’t say he was drinking and was shit faced as he has claimed for years he doesn’t drink or do drugs. He said he was just shooting the shit with NRA members. They cleared him when they realized he has been full of bullshit for years. The cowardly NRA has sensed the shit might roll downhill and they might end up in deep shit. To avoid the shit further hitting the fan they have scrubbed their website of Theodore’s speech at their convention. He has been dropped as an opening act in June at Fort Knox because of his public comments.

 If I was Mitt Romney and a shit for brains like Theodore Anthony Nugent gave me his endorsement I’d say, “Eat shit and die” and hope he’d get angry and endorse my opponent. Willard Mitt Romney already has enough problems with his shitty record as governor of Massachusetts and the way he treated people like shit when he was CEO of Bain Capital.

And that Dear Readers is the latest poop or all the shit that’s fit to print.

Wally Pleasant: The Day Ted Nugent Killed All of the Animals

Goldfinger: FTN

“Apartheid isn’t that cut-and-dry. All men are not created equal.” ~ Ted Nugent


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