Better Than the Welcoming Arms of Lady Liberty

  Last week I mentioned a list of great singer/songwriters who wrote songs that really matter and yet they never made it big. To add insult to injury something happened this week to further slap talented singer/songwriters who never made it in the face. Aerosmith’s Steve Perry and Joe Perry will be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in June and will receive the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers’ Founders Award next week. These two have written such meaningless turds as “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and “Love in an Elevator.” Aerosmith are just a third-rate Rolling Stones. They really aren’t needed as the ‘Stones” have been third-rate Rolling Stones for a least the last 30 years. All this proves there is not much justice in this world.

  This weeks national buffoon of the week is Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. Rand went to at the historically black college Howard University to help with  the Republican Party’s outreach to the African-American community effort. It seems odd the GOP would want Rand to try to appeal to black voters as he has said he would have voted against the civil Rights Act of 1964. Rand also spoke about how it was the Republican party of Lincoln that ended slavery. He expected then to forget the GOP’s Southern Strategy of 1968 that set out to gain Southern white conservative voters by appealing to racism against African-Americans. John Steward’s Daily Show did an excellent piece on Rand Paul at Howard here.

  That brings me to the local buffoons of the week winners. That would be constant winners Tracey and Jeff from the “Tracey and Friends” radio show at WSOM. Tracey and Jeff are two African-Americans who are proud to be members of the GOP. They have not only bought the GOP’s revisionist history they try to sell that spin every day on their show.  I really am getting tired of picking on the “Friends” every week but someone needs to acknowledge how hard they work at being the best local buffoons.

  I think it is time for a poem so here is my latest:

Better Than the Welcoming Arms of Lady Liberty

 Reality shows like Jersey Shore,

the Real World, the Bad Girls Club,

Celebrity Rehab, the Kardashians,

Paris Hilton and the Real Housewife’s

of Orange County, New York or,

Beverly Hills, Atlanta, New Jersey

 or Mob Wives all set even lower standards

of what it takes to be a skank in this country.

This entices would be skanks

from around the world

to step up their skankiness

come to the U.S. and dance proactively

at a LA bar and have lecherous strangers drink

Yegermeister shots off their belly button piercings.

The skanks gets shit faced drunk and head

to the nearest reality TV producer to get

one of these trashy shows for themselves.

On their way to the producers they will star

in a Taxicab Confessions HBO show segment.

They will all have the background

to end up on MTV’s 16 and Pregnant

or end up on Maury Povich’s Show

with a dozen men getting tested

to see who is the babies daddy.

In the end it won’t be any of the 12

and she will be asked for a new list

and soon come back and do part two

with the same results leading to part 3.

The slowly vanishing nomadic Tofa

a Turkic tribe that lives in Russia

have the ability to mimic sounds of the environment

they can imitate almost any animal’s voice

enabling them to be great hunters.

In the USA a family of hillbillies

invented a wooden duck call and are now

millionaires with a current reality TV show.

Hillbillies unlike the Tofa tribe

are not a vanishing people

as they now are popping up

in reality TV shows on every channel.

Swamp People is now in its fourth season.

Louisiana swampbillies hunt alligators for a living.

It has set viewer records for the History Channel.

In Zimbabwe in 2005 the number one cause of death

in humans where wildlife was involved

– was crocodiles killing 13 people.

When a show has become very popular

and producers can’t think of anything new

it quickly leads to  a spinoff which sent us

from Swamp Hunters to Outback Hunter

which hunts crocodile in Australia.

Just because the media like to milk popular things to death

there has been two mobile app game tie ins with Swamp People.

A fisherman landed a reality TV show making sport

of fishing for river monster size fish around the globe.

In parts all around the world people fish for food

hoping they won’t be the food of these monster fish.

A group of Reality TV stars have been avoiding

getting real jobs by being Bigfoot hunters.

People keep tuning in to see bigfoot captured

even though no one on the show has seen

neither hide nor hair of him

for two years and counting.

The TV show, Storage Wars

proves many people in the USA

are so wealthy they own extra stuff

and pay to put these items in storage.

These are possessions they end up needing so little

they are forgotten about and are put up for auction.

People in other countries wish they had a house

that was as nice and large as the storage unit.

All their extra things in life would fit

in a grocery bag let alone a locker.

The Big Brother show has a dozen people live

in a big comfortable home for three months.

They then set about backstabbing one another

and vote off each other for a chance to win

half a million dollars in prize money.

The Real Housewives of several U.S. locations

have excess martinis for lunch and cat fight each other

over the pettiest crap you could ever imagine.

It’s amazing that many of these women are mothers.

How do such shrews ever attract a man to marry them?

Thank God most of these women have enough money

to hire help to raise their children as these Housewives

have a lot of growing up to do themselves.

Meanwhile, in East Africa reality it’s rare

for a child to have both a mother and father.

Men live on average to 40 and women to 42.

You are fortunate to still be alive at 6 years-old.

Most children have already died by AIDS,

malaria, dysentery, starvation or malnutrition.

The most lucrative job is casket making.

There is so much death about that businesses

refuse to give their employees more

then one day a month off for funerals.

East African women don’t have the time

to drink and squabble at country clubs.

They are busy watching their children die.

Big Brother TV has half a million dollars

in prize money for being more of a slime

than other obnoxious aholes in the same house.

This while 12 million people are in dire need of food,

clean water, and basic sanitation in East Africa.

I don’t oppose immigration but those that do

should immediately shut down these TV shows.

How else you going to keep them down on the

plains, deserts, jungles and rain forests

once they’ve seen U.S. Reality TV?

Dear Aerosmith this is what real songwriting sounds like: Graham Parker:“Syphilis and Religion” 

“The Tree Martini Lunch”

“Did Everybody Just Get Old”

“But sometimes, talent isn’t worth shit. There are tons of talentless people out there making zillions of dollars. And unfortunately, an equal number of brilliant artists whose name and voices you’ll never hear. – Paul Hudson”


1 Comment

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One response to “Better Than the Welcoming Arms of Lady Liberty

  1. Brock Featherstone

    James. I too am discusted by SKANKS, but obviously people are watching these women degrading horror of whore shoes. By the way one doesnt necessarily have to be a female to be considered a SKANK. I know many male skanks.

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