Last week I mentioned a list of great singer/songwriters who wrote songs that really matter and yet they never made it big. To add insult to injury something happened this week to further slap talented singer/songwriters who never made it in the face. Aerosmith’s Steve Perry and Joe Perry will be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in June and will receive the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers’ Founders Award next week. These two have written such meaningless turds as “Dude Looks Like a Lady” and “Love in an Elevator.” Aerosmith are just a third-rate Rolling Stones. They really aren’t needed as the ‘Stones” have been third-rate Rolling Stones for a least the last 30 years. All this proves there is not much justice in this world.
This weeks national buffoon of the week is Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. Rand went to at the historically black college Howard University to help with the Republican Party’s outreach to the African-American community effort. It seems odd the GOP would want Rand to try to appeal to black voters as he has said he would have voted against the civil Rights Act of 1964. Rand also spoke about how it was the Republican party of Lincoln that ended slavery. He expected then to forget the GOP’s Southern Strategy of 1968 that set out to gain Southern white conservative voters by appealing to racism against African-Americans. John Steward’s Daily Show did an excellent piece on Rand Paul at Howard here.
That brings me to the local buffoons of the week winners. That would be constant winners Tracey and Jeff from the “Tracey and Friends” radio show at WSOM. Tracey and Jeff are two African-Americans who are proud to be members of the GOP. They have not only bought the GOP’s revisionist history they try to sell that spin every day on their show. I really am getting tired of picking on the “Friends” every week but someone needs to acknowledge how hard they work at being the best local buffoons.
I think it is time for a poem so here is my latest:
Better Than the Welcoming Arms of Lady Liberty
Reality shows like Jersey Shore,
the Real World, the Bad Girls Club,
Celebrity Rehab, the Kardashians,
Paris Hilton and the Real Housewife’s
of Orange County, New York or,
Beverly Hills, Atlanta, New Jersey
or Mob Wives all set even lower standards
of what it takes to be a skank in this country.
This entices would be skanks
from around the world
to step up their skankiness
come to the U.S. and dance proactively
at a LA bar and have lecherous strangers drink
Yegermeister shots off their belly button piercings.
The skanks gets shit faced drunk and head
to the nearest reality TV producer to get
one of these trashy shows for themselves.
On their way to the producers they will star
in a Taxicab Confessions HBO show segment.
They will all have the background
to end up on MTV’s 16 and Pregnant
or end up on Maury Povich’s Show
with a dozen men getting tested
to see who is the babies daddy.
In the end it won’t be any of the 12
and she will be asked for a new list
and soon come back and do part two
with the same results leading to part 3.
The slowly vanishing nomadic Tofa
a Turkic tribe that lives in Russia
have the ability to mimic sounds of the environment
they can imitate almost any animal’s voice
enabling them to be great hunters.
In the USA a family of hillbillies
invented a wooden duck call and are now
millionaires with a current reality TV show.
Hillbillies unlike the Tofa tribe
are not a vanishing people
as they now are popping up
in reality TV shows on every channel.
Swamp People is now in its fourth season.
Louisiana swampbillies hunt alligators for a living.
It has set viewer records for the History Channel.
In Zimbabwe in 2005 the number one cause of death
in humans where wildlife was involved
– was crocodiles killing 13 people.
When a show has become very popular
and producers can’t think of anything new
it quickly leads to a spinoff which sent us
from Swamp Hunters to Outback Hunter
which hunts crocodile in Australia.
Just because the media like to milk popular things to death
there has been two mobile app game tie ins with Swamp People.
A fisherman landed a reality TV show making sport
of fishing for river monster size fish around the globe.
In parts all around the world people fish for food
hoping they won’t be the food of these monster fish.
A group of Reality TV stars have been avoiding
getting real jobs by being Bigfoot hunters.
People keep tuning in to see bigfoot captured
even though no one on the show has seen
neither hide nor hair of him
for two years and counting.
The TV show, Storage Wars
proves many people in the USA
are so wealthy they own extra stuff
and pay to put these items in storage.
These are possessions they end up needing so little
they are forgotten about and are put up for auction.
People in other countries wish they had a house
that was as nice and large as the storage unit.
All their extra things in life would fit
in a grocery bag let alone a locker.
The Big Brother show has a dozen people live
in a big comfortable home for three months.
They then set about backstabbing one another
and vote off each other for a chance to win
half a million dollars in prize money.
The Real Housewives of several U.S. locations
have excess martinis for lunch and cat fight each other
over the pettiest crap you could ever imagine.
It’s amazing that many of these women are mothers.
How do such shrews ever attract a man to marry them?
Thank God most of these women have enough money
to hire help to raise their children as these Housewives
have a lot of growing up to do themselves.
Meanwhile, in East Africa reality it’s rare
for a child to have both a mother and father.
Men live on average to 40 and women to 42.
You are fortunate to still be alive at 6 years-old.
Most children have already died by AIDS,
malaria, dysentery, starvation or malnutrition.
The most lucrative job is casket making.
There is so much death about that businesses
refuse to give their employees more
then one day a month off for funerals.
East African women don’t have the time
to drink and squabble at country clubs.
They are busy watching their children die.
Big Brother TV has half a million dollars
in prize money for being more of a slime
than other obnoxious aholes in the same house.
This while 12 million people are in dire need of food,
clean water, and basic sanitation in East Africa.
I don’t oppose immigration but those that do
should immediately shut down these TV shows.
How else you going to keep them down on the
plains, deserts, jungles and rain forests
once they’ve seen U.S. Reality TV?
Dear Aerosmith this is what real songwriting sounds like: Graham Parker:“Syphilis and Religion”
“But sometimes, talent isn’t worth shit. There are tons of talentless people out there making zillions of dollars. And unfortunately, an equal number of brilliant artists whose name and voices you’ll never hear. – Paul Hudson”