Puke Music Rebukes

I’m an opened minded progressive guy but what is passing for the top of the charts music today is just pure crap. I couldn’t believe the lyrics to a song I recently heard Gwen Stefani sing on The Voice TV Show. Gwen is a recent mother and I wondered if her new son will grow up and be proud of this song called, “Hollaback Girl” she sang right after he was born. I decided to have some fun this week and show you some of the lyrics to current hit songs and review these songs.

Let’s start with some of the lyrics to Gwen Stefani’s hit song, “Hollaback Girl.”

Uh huh, this is my shit
A few times I’ve been around that track
So it’s not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain’t no hollaback girl
I ain’t no hollaback girl
I ain’t no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [x4]
I heard that you were talking shit
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit [x4]
Because I ain’t no hollaback girl
I ain’t no hollaback girl [x2]
Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
(This shit is bananas)

Review: Yes Gwen this shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S and anyone who bought this song and wasted their money is b-a-n-a-n-a-s. I can’t believe NBC let you sing this song on their show, The Voice. I can’t believe anyone who just had a child would want children to hear this kind of music.

Next we have Pitbull’s hit song, ‘”Timber.”

The bigger they are, the harder they fall
This big-iddy boys are dig-gidy dogs
I have ’em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off
Twerkin’ in their bras and thongs, timber
Face down, booty up, timber
That’s the way we like to, what? timber
I’m slicker than an oil spill
She say she won’t, but I bet she will, timber
It’s going down, I’m yelling timber
End of the night, it’s going down
It’s going down, I’m yelling timber
Let’s make a night, you won’t remember.

Review: Won’t remember? Ah Pitbull, are you talking about using a rape drug or are you proud to be a lover girls won’t remember?
Pitbull, I think you are full of bull and I can’t imagine there is a girl on the planet skanky enough to play timber with you. Who buys this kind of music?

Now for Katy Perry and Juicy J’s hit “Dark Horse.”

Yo, y’all know what it is
Katy Perry, Juicy J
Uh-Huh, let’s rate
Uh, she’s a beast, I call her Karma
She eat your heart out, like Jeffrey Dahmer
Be careful, try not to lead her on
Shawty’s heart was on steroids ’cause her love was so strong
You may fall in love when you meet her (Meet her)
If you get the chance you better keep her (Keep her)
She swears by it but if you break her heart
She turn cold as a freezer (Freezer)
She got me like a roller coaster turn the bedroom into a fair (A fair)
(Hey) Are you ready for, ready for? (Ready for?)
(Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey-Hey) There’s no going back.

Review: No Katy Perry I am not ready for you a former gospel singer to co-write a turd song with Juicy J the Juice Man. It’s bad enough one person wrote this song let alone two. After hearing this song I wished that before they executed Jeffrey Dahmer, Katy and Juicy J would have been his last meal.

Now for “Loyal” by Chris Brown.
I wasn’t born last night
I know these hoes ain’t right.
Why give a bitch your inch
When she rather have nine?
You know how the game goes
She be mine by half time, I’m the shit, oh
Birdman Junior in this bitch, no flamingos
And I done did everything but trust these hoes.
Got a white girl with some fake titties
Rolling up the bomb molly I’m a rockstar.
Black girl with a big booty
If she a bad bitch, let’s get to it (right away)
We up in this club
I know girl, that you came in this bitch with your man
That’s a no-no girl. I been knowing not to trust these hoes
I get bread, get head, and fuck these hoes
In that order
Don’t switch it around.These bitches pimpin’
Sex in the city
Yelling “Instagram likes” but you ain’t pretty Bitch!

Review: This by former church choir boy (are we seeing a pattern here) Chris Brown. Chris has done the impossible and out stupefied Pitbull. Chris has no class and shows he has never spent time in a classroom. Chris’s mom who ran a daycare and Clinton Chris’s dad a prison correction office must be very proud of their woman beating son. The amazing thing about Brown is that he has committed felony assault after felony assault and stayed out of prison. I find Brown’s lyrics a felony assault on my ears. And while Chris is not the shit his music is pure fecal. I note with some irony Chris is on Jive records.

Peaking recently at Number 2 in the Top 100 we have Beyoncee with “Drunk in Love.”

I’ve been drinking/ I’ve been drinking
I get filthy when that liquor get into me.
I’ve been thinking/ I’ve been thinking
Cigars on ice/ cigars on ice
Baby, I want you, na na
Can’t keep your eyes off my fatty
Daddy, I want you, na na
Drunk in love, I want you (aah)
Boy, I’m drinking, park it in my lot, 7-11
I’m rubbing on it, rub-rubbing if you scared, call that reverand
Boy, I’m drinking/ get my brain right
Armand de brignac, gangster wife
Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard
Surfboard, surfboard/
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood.
That D’USSÉ is the shit if I do say so myself
If I do say so myself, if I do say so myself.
That you had all in the car, talking ’bout you the baddest bitch thus far.
I wanna see all the shit that I heard
Know I sling Clint Eastwood, hope you can handle this curve, ah
Foreplay in the foyer fucked up my Warhol
Slid the panties right to the side
Ain’t got the time to take draws off, on site
Catch a charge I might, beat the box up like Mike
In ’97 I bite, I’m Ike, Turner, turn up
Baby no I don’t play, now eat the cake, Anna Mae
Said, “Eat the cake, Anna Mae!”
I’m nice, for y’all to reach these heights you gon’ need G3
4, 5, 6 flights, sleep tight. I’ve been sipping/
that’s the only thing that’s keeping me on fire/me on fire
didn’t mean to spill that liquor all on my attire.

Review: This song written by Jay Z and Beyoncee was performed at the Grammy Awards. I can’t believe this trash was on TV.  I disagree mostly with the line: “I’ve been thinking” as no one was thinking when they wrote this turd. I will admit that I am jealous that people who write this utter trash can afford a Warhol and a bathtub big enough to hold a surfboard though I suspect surfboard might mean something else here. Also, Beyonce you really need to quit drinking, if I do say so myself. If I do say so myself, if I do say so myself.

Now for Yellow Claw’s song, “Shotgun.”

I will never fall for your lies again oh woah
I will never fall for your lies again oh woah oh
You shot me right in the face with a shotgun
You shot me right in the face with a shotgun
You shot me right in the
You shot me right in the
You shot me right in the
Face with a shotgun
Kill the motherfucking club.
I’m wiping your dirt off my soul
You’re talking a lot but you’re pissing me off
What you try to say doesn’t matter no more.

Review: “This gem of a hit is by Dutch trio Yellow Claw whose members are Bizzie, Nizzle, Aasgier and featuring vocals from Dutch singer Rochelle. This song leaves my ears and soul dirty and just plain pisses me off that a nothing song like this makes big money.
If I had the money I would fly to the Netherlands get a shotgun and unload it right in the faces of this trio. I’d blast Rochelle twice since she was the one really asking over and over for that shotgun blast. Happy to oblige if you send me some travel money.

This last song is, “Feeling Myself” by will. i. am and Mylie Cyrus

Hunny on my wrist, couple karats on my neck
Givenchy, keep the chickens in check
All these car keys, drive them chickens to my crib
Jewel heel, got somebody slipping in my bed
She give me IQ, that mean she gimme a head
I love bad bitches that’s my fuckin’ problem
And I don’t give a fuck that’s my fuckin’ problem.
And I don’t give a fuck that’s my whole M.O.
I rock the whole globe with no problemo
Been rocking coats since my first demo
And now I’m banging hoes in the continental
And I done seen me slidin’ out my dope ride
I open up the doors, suicide.
I step in this motherfucker just to make it work
I get on the floor just to make that booty twerk
Shake, shake that ass like a, like an expert
Shake, shake that ass like a, like an expert.
Look up in the mirror
and the mirror look at me
The mirror be like baby you the sh*t
God dammit you the sh*t
You the sh*t, you the sh*t
God dammit you the sh*t
God dammit you the sh*t
You the sh*t, you the sh*t.

Review: First off country singer Billie Ray Cyrus needs to stick his cowboy boot up his daughter’s ass for singing this horrendous trash.
Next will.i.am cannot shake his ass like an expert because it is more full of shit than a circus elephant. Being so full of B.S. is a major health hazard on any club’s dance floor. will.i.am lacks an IQ and he needs to learn that can’t be transfused into him no matter how much head he gets. Just listening to this kind of music will toast your cerebellum loaf. As for suicide doors if I was forced to listen to this nonsense I would commit suicide by jumping to my death from a 50 story sliding glass balcony door. This song is the shittiest of shit. If that mirror could actually talk it would say, “will.i. am God dammit you are really a-fool. u. are.”

Listening to this music turned out to be no fun at all. It ended up giving me bouts of nausea thinking about what passes for music today. I’m told this is the music that is played at dance clubs. The only place fitting for this puke music is a vomitorium.  That’s today’s music reviews.

The Yellow jackets: “Imperial Strut”

“Red Sea”

“The only truth is music.” ― Jack Kerouac


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