Cretin Parental Opus

Truth is always stranger than fiction. I wrote the following from a recent strange news story.

Cretin Parental Opus

According to a recent Reason-Rupe poll.
an estimated 57% said “only winners” in kid’s sports
should receive a trophy for their participation.
63% of conservatives said only winners should get the prizes.
Men also favored trophies for winners only over women, 62 to 52 percent.
Glenn Beck is a conservative commentator and radio talk show host.
He has described himself as a “borderline schizophrenic.
Glenn has stated, “I hate those damn participation trophies.”
He instructs parents to go into their children’s bedrooms
and confiscate them and smash them in front of their child,
to teach them a lesson about how the real world works.
How Glenn Beck’s real world of losing was demonstrated by him
in 1983 when he lost in the Phoenix, Arizona top 40 morning radio show ratings.
He called his competitors wife while she was on the radio and mocked her recent miscarriage.
Even if kids don’t win at a sport at least they learn teamwork,
sportsmanship, losing with grace, and finding joy in an endeavor,
even when you know you won’t be the best player or team.
Leaving with a symbol of those things doesn’t seem so bad to me.
Unfortunately, we have a bunch of couch sitting wannabee NFL quarterbacks,
who say stupid things to kids like, “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
I have a new hero for these would be Glenn Beck he man types.
That is Arizona grandfather 53 year-old Paul Armand Rater.
His pickup truck broke down in the desert and he walked to get help
leaving his five-year-old granddaughter alone in the desert,
with a loaded and cocked .45-caliber handgun
and the instruction to “shoot any bad guys.”
He ended up walking for quite a few miles until he came to a bar.
Instead of asking for help to rescue his granddaughter and truck,
he sat down and had a cheeseburger and a few beers.
This may sound strange to some but after all this is Arizona,
a stand your ground state where you protect your personal property.
Basically, Grandpa Rater left his five-year old granddaughter to guard his truck.
Leaving a five-year old with a cocked and loaded 45 in modern-day Arizona
is like a Spartan warrior test to see if an infant can survive in the wild by itself.
This does not mean that some Arizonans were not completely shocked.
Many found it outrageous to leave such a young child alone with a 45 caliber pistol.
Given her small size they felt that a 25 or 22 caliber pistol would be more appropriate.
The child’s mother hadn’t heard from grandpa so she called the police.
The fire department and Sheriff Joe Arpaio found the little girl.
You might recognize Sheriff Joe’s name because FOX NEWS considers him a god.
He is the Maricopa County sheriff who has cost Maricopa County taxpayers
$142 million in legal expenses, settlements and court awards.
He’s been found guilty of abuse of power, misuse of funds, racial profiling,
failure to investigate sex crimes, improper clearance of cases,
unlawful enforcement of immigration laws, and election law violations.
Joe has failed to follow-through on at least 32 reported child molestations
even though the suspects were known in all but six of the cases.
That is because the victims were children of undocumented Hispanic immigrants.
All of that means that in Arizona Joe has gotten elected over and over
for 25 years and can’t get kicked out of office no matter how much he cost the county.
Lucky for the little girl she was white and not brown
or Joe wouldn’t have mounted a search and rescue.
At this point I am reminded that the little girl did not listen to Grandpa Rater
when he gave her the 45 and had instructed her to “shoot any bad guys.”
Had she listened Sheriff Joe would have been her first dead bad guy.
She just needed some more experience with bad guys
before knowing which ones to shoot on sight.
I’d suggest she start with Grandpa Paul Ratner.
All of this macho shit really is part of the conservative cowboy type image.
Never mind, most cowboys couldn’t afford a sidearm as they cost a month’s pay.
Never mind, most cowboys wore bowler style hats not
what we think of as cowboys hats today.
Never mind, Mexico had cowboys 400 year before the U.S.
or that one of four cowboys was African-American.
Facts don’t matter to conservatives
and that is a whole other poem.
Grandpa Ratner has a few options out of this incident.
#1. Sheriff Joe might deputize him for trying to make sure
that the five year-old girl grows up to be a tough conservative Arizona woman
instead of being a wimpy kid who expects a trophy for participating in a sport.
#2. Grandpa might be the next president of the NRA.
#3. He might be the next republican candidate for governor of Arizona.
I’m sure the NRA would bankroll the whole political campaign
if he picked Sheriff Joe for his Lt. Governor running mate.
Their slogan could be, “Have a little more confidence in our kids.
Don’t give your preschool kids participation trophies
give them loaded and cocked 45 caliber handguns.”

Tom Hambridge: “Upside of Lonely”

“I Keep Things”

Parenting: “Affection without sentiment, authority without cruelty, discipline without aggression, humor without ridicule, sacrifice without obligation, companionship without possessiveness.” — William E. Blatz


1 Comment

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One response to “Cretin Parental Opus

  1. Anonymous

    nice coments, keep it up Jim

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