God’s Going Out of Business Sale

James Dobson says the Obama’s transgender guidelines

are an effort to sow chaos in order to impose tyranny.

Elbert “Gene” Spriggs is founder of the Twelve Tribes,

preaches that black people are meant for slavery

and that all homosexuals should be put to death.

The church also believes in the subjugation of women

and in severally beating and abusing children.

Wayne Bent founder of Lord Our Righteous Church,

was convicted of criminal sexual contact of a minor

in 2008 and was sentenced to 18 years in jail.

Graham Caprill former leader of Christian Herald New Zealand,

was sentenced to nine-year in prison after multiple charges

of child sexual abuse against girls under twelve.

Jung Myung Seok South Korean religious sect leader and founder

of Providence was convicted for raping several of his followers.

Ervil LeBaron leader of a group of polygamous Mormon fundamentalists,

was convicted of involvement in the murder of two people

and plotting to kill another person in 1981.

Jeffrey Lundren head of a branch of the break away

Reorganized Church of Latter Day Saints,

was executed in 2006, for multiple murders.

Reverend Jim Jones leader of the Peoples Temple

committed suicide with a gun after he orchestrated

the mass suicide cyanide poisoning

of 909 of his followers including 304 children.

Heaven’s Gate founder Marshall Applewhite, and 38 of his followers

committed suicide in order to abandon their terrestrial forms

and gain access an imagined UFO behind comet Hale-Bopp.

Fred Phelps the leader of Westboro Baptist Church

protested at the grave sites of our soldiers killed in the Middle East.

He said they were being killed by God because of the acceptance of gay rights.

Swami Premananda of Tiruchirapalli an Indian religious leader,

was convicted and sentenced to two life sentences

for the rape of 13 girls and murder in 2005.

Paul Schafer the former head of Chile-based Colonia Dignidad

was convicted and sentenced for sexually abusing 25 children.

Yahweh Ben Yahweh the head of Nation of Yahweh,

convicted for Federal racketeering charges

and conspiracy involving 14 murders.

Dwight York head of Nuwaubianism, was convicted in 2004

of multiple RICO, child molestation, and financial reporting charges

was convicted and sentenced to 135 years in prison.

Jim Baker creator of PTL was convicted of fraud and conspiracy charges

after illegally soliciting millions of dollars from his followers.

Luc Jouret a founder of the Order of the Solar Temple was convicted

in Canadian Federal Court of conspiring to buy illegal handguns.

Henry Lyons Former President of National Baptist Convention USA,

was convicted for both racketeering and grand theft.

Sun Myung Moon –Leader of the Unification Church,

was imprisoned for criminal tax fraud in the 1980s

Benny Hinn admits that he’d like to kill his critics

with a “Holy Ghost machine gun.”

His wife Suzanne tells churchgoers, “You know what you need?

A Holy Ghost enema right up your rear end.”

Canadian-born televangelist Todd Bentley says that God told him

to kick a woman in the face in order to heal her.

Kenneth Copeland a billionaire preaches the prosperity gospel.

He claims there is something wrong if a Christian doesn’t become rich.

Televangelist Mike Murdock asks his TV viewers to donate $1,000.

He says that if you donate with a credit card God will erase the donor’s debt.

In 1991 Jimmy Swaggart’s second prostitute-related scandal occurred.

He was pulled over driving erratically and his passenger was a prostitute.

Swaggart told his church, “The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business.”

I haven’t even gotten to the Catholic priest pedophiles.

It’s hard to take God seriously with these crazies for representatives.

Let’s look at this insanity from a business perspective.

God you need to view these tragic happenings as a businessman.

You’ve hired some really terrible people as employees.

You would think that the inventor of humans

would be the ultimate Human Resource Director.

You may do other things well but you need training at hiring.

Why aren’t you learning from your mistakes and growing as a boss?

One subpar employee can throw an entire business into disarray.

Bad hires create lower morale, interruptions to the businesses work flow

and negative perceptions about the business, all of which negatively affect

daily productivity and service quality in the end.

God, you need to give your hires clear performance objectives.

You’ve got to do some damage control before believers

decide to jump ship and shop around for a competing deity.

Get rid of these evil employees who say they represent you.

Make an example of them to get other employee’s attention.

Perhaps, spontaneous combust them at a meeting of all your employees.

If feeling more compassionate, give them some type of severance package,

and a retirement plan and permanent vacation in the lowest region of Hell.

It is time to get your business back on track before it’s too late.

I don’t really want to attend your going out of business sale.

I don’t need any used halos, trumpets, harps, angel gowns

or souvenir pieces of Saint Peter’s rusty gate.

Max Gomez: “Rule the World”

“Ball and Chain”

“I’m not the last of the old bosses. I’m the first of the new leaders.” ~ Richard J. Daley
Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “God’s Going Out of Business Sale

  1. Anonymous

    Jim, I have not been going to church as often as I used to. I am Catholic but do not accept many of the church’s doctrine any longer. I am always looking for spiritual discussions, groups and people. This of course is most difficult and I hunger for such experiences. Just to let you know. JJ

  2. elecpencil

    As a former Catholic I agree with everything you said. I was going to a group meeting every other Sunday with a group of liberal leaning religious folks. It lasted a few years but stopped as people got busy with other things.

  3. Nancie Shillington

    WOW-been doing some research, huh? I miss EC folks like you–BUT have my own brand over here even if they don’t go out on a limb quite as far as you do–and there there was that Dude who rode into town on a donkey and got hung up on a tree branch–

    God/Love/Spirit bless you! (for BOTH of the Business Sale articles–let’s hope we aren’t QUITE that far down the Way!)

  4. elecpencil

    Thanks. Yep, my research poems. In the spirit of Peter Maurin’s “Easy Essays.” Peter was much briefer than me. If these dudes were speaking in my name and I had power I’d smote them all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s