Tell Me No Lies

We live in a culture that does not value honesty or integrity.

Too many people believe the end justifies the means used.

Ego, envy, excess, malice and worship of the almighty dollar

all, sadly have replaced fairness, honor and especially, truth.

Believing that lying politicians serve the public,

some of our fellow citizens lie to themselves.

Congressmen feel no compunction to tell the truth.

If they did they wouldn’t get elected or re-elected.

Lies have been called, fibs, fables, fairy tales, fabrications, fallacy,

fiction, half-truths, distortions, exaggerations, bluffs and canards.

Politicians are now trying to further soften the term, lies.

They were most recently referred to as, “alternative facts.”

I’m old school so I use the terms, lies, bald-faced lies, balderdash,

baloney, bogus, bullhonky, bollocks, booty-chatter, booty-cheddar,

poppycock, whopper, crock, crock of shit, horseshit and bullshit.

My hearing is going a bit but I have an excellent nose for Pinnochioitis.

I had to learn a second language in high school but it wasn’t bullshit.

I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I am not a liar.

Here in America we’re indoctrinated in lies from an early age.

Our parents start with the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and the Easter Bunny.

This leads to kids developing their own universally told lies to parents.

“I didn’t do it,” ‘I don’t know,” “I did my homework,” “My brother did it,”

“My friend Billy is allowed to,” “I’ll be home early,” ‘I wasn’t texting and driving.”

Every teenage girl has told her mom, “I’m sleeping over at my friend Mary’s house tonight.”

When mom calls Mary’s mom she is told, “My daughter said they were staying at your house.”

I’m sure it was all just some minor miscommunication between the girls, right?

What kid hasn’t lied to their teacher saying,

“The dog ate my homework.”

Young adults are taught to lie on job resumes if they want to get a job.

They pad their degrees, grades, their technical abilities,

inflate their titles, previous salary, and charitable deeds.

Of course once you get a job, the boss is going to lie to you.

“We’re one big happy family here.”

“Employees are our most valuable asset.”

“We appreciate hard work and reward it.”

“Sorry, but my hands are tied.”

“We can’t afford to pay you more.”

“This is a 9 to 5 salary job.”

And, “Your participation is voluntary.”

We lie about our age, height and weight.

We lie about our looks and income when we date online.

Cat fishing online is a fancy word for liar.

We lie when we do taxes, sell used cars, homes etc.

The Dr.’s receptionist says, “The Dr. will be right with you.”

The dentist says, “Trust me, this won’t hurt”

The phone call salesman says, “I will only take a minute of your time.”

You call the cable company to complain and are told,

“Hang on the line as your call is really important to us.”

Anytime a corporation says they care,

or a politician says that they promise,

it is an outright first-class, boldfaced lie.

When your wife asks, “Does this dress make my ass look fat?”

I guarantee that all men will lie because it’s safer than the truth.

Guys, you know you’ve told some woman;

“I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“I’ll respect you in the morning.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Let’s do this again.”

“But we can still be good friends.”

Some of you guys might have said;

“Of course I love you.”

“My wife doesn’t understand me.”

“She means nothing to me.”

“I am getting a divorce.”

“Don’t worry, it’s OK – I’m sterile.”

“It’s only a cold sore.”

And women you know you’ve said;

“I’m busy Friday night or

“I’m seeing someone right now.”

“I didn’t expect anything from you anyway.”

“He’s just a friend.”

“I’m usually not this scatter-brained.”

“I’m on a diet.”

“I workout.”

“I’m not the type that gets jealous.”

“My phone died.”

“I promise I won’t get mad.”

“I never do this.”

“I’m on my period.”

Once married your wife will lie and say;

“I’ll be ready in just 5 minutes.”

“I’m on my way right now.”

“I’m fine nothing’s wrong.”

“Don’t worry that you forgot,

my birthday or our anniversary.”

“It wasn’t that expensive.”

“It was on sale.”

“I’ve got a headache.”

“You’re right,” which actually means

you weren’t and never will be.

How many of you have said:

“The check is in the mail.”

“I gave at the office.”

“You get this one, I’ll pay next time.”

“Drinking? Why, no, Officer.”

or “sorry, officer but that’s not mine.”

“It’s not the money; it’s the principle of the thing.”

Humans are lied to as many as 200 times a day.

Studies show we detect lies with only 54% accuracy.

One is six judges reaches an incorrect verdict.

One man daily sums up our lying world.

That is Maury Povich, who on his TV show

says over and over, “That was a lie.”

That is when he isn’t saying, “You are the father

or you are not the father.

Tell those you come in contact with,

“I’m worth the truth.”

With my aging pains I can tell you,

I will be one of the few people,

not lying when I say,

“It’s for medicinal purposes.”

The Knickerbockers: “Lies”

Henry Rollins: “Liar”

“Don’t lie to people that trust you, and don’t trust people that lie to you.” ~ Unknown

 

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Tell Me No Lies

  1. Nancie Shillington

    Sage, says this old gal and that’s NO LIE! Thanks for sharing–I cried and laughed all at the same time–well, that isn’t exactally true, but my mommy told me I could fudge just a bit long as it didn’t hurt others

  2. Anonymous

    I do not claim to be perfect and, yes, I have told some whoppers, but I don’t think I hurt anyone badly. We, I mean our country, is in a different orbit when it comes to decency, honesty and care for our fellow citizens. Mr. Trump is fast changing our landscape to the gutter in our politics and the way we relate to one another. Example, one needs to read an article written by David Frum in the current Atlantic magazine about Trump. Believe me, it is bone chilling, scary and frighting all in one. I have a copy for anyone who can’t locate the magazine. The bottom line—we must stand up this this kind politics, express our views and get the word out to each and everyone, before it becomes too late. JJ

  3. james jordan

    I did not intent to be anonymous, Jim Jordan, Warren

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