Monthly Archives: November 2010

Remote Control Brain Drain

I was going to write about the election results but decided to do that next post. Trying to forget the election results, I decided to bury myself in some mindless TV. I was easily able to find  mindless shows because I have over 100 plus cable channels. That many stations gives me instant access to nothing but mindless shows.

I haven’t had a head ache in years but these shows had my cerebellum loaf in major pain. I haven’t put a poem on a post in a while so I decided to write one about my experience watching mind numbing shows.

Remote Control Brain Drain

I have no desire to keep up with the Kardashians.

I don’t want a plastic hockey mask face

like former Track Olympian

emasculated hubby Bruce Jenner.

This is just your typical white trash family

but add the money and minus the trailer.

Their family values include

a stripper’s poll in a daughter’s bedroom

and another daughter with a

sex tape that went public.

Mom binge drinks with her daughters

and like them wears as little as possible.

Think June Cleaver but

with junk in the trunk.


The soundtrack to this show

is the noise of your brain cells

actually loudly exploding.

You know a show really sucks

when it is so popular

it has two spin offs.


Speaking of spin offs

change channels to see

trashy, greedy housewives

from fill in the blank because

the locations are multiplying like rabbits.

They all think their hot mammas

but are raunchy bimbos in Gucci

who think their skank doesn’t stank.

This “reality” show includes a director

who constantly tells the McMansion wives

to crank up the crazy.


A switch from staged reality shows is

totally staged WWF wrestling

where steroid injected sides of beef

act out scripted, choreographed fights.

Do you think a wrestler would put a

guy’s crotch in his face during a pile driver

if WWF wrestling was real?

The only match I would pay to see

is if the two meanest women on TV

were in a caged match to the death.

I’m talking about Judge Judy VS. Nancy Grace.

I’m rooting that they kill one another.


On cable over at Home and Garden TV

there is a show about house hunting.

A young wife rejects buying a

lovely affordable family home

because the bathroom does

not have a double sink.

My bathroom is so small

if I had a double sink

one would be out in the hall.

If this young wife thinks it’s OK

to take a dump while hubby

brushes his teeth next to her

the young husband needs to wife hunt

not to house hunt

as the romance is gone from this marriage.


Since I’m Speaking of toilets

you know the U.S. job market

has gone down the toilet

when you see shows like,

“Dirty Jobs and “Worst Jobs in History.”

The message is that U.S. corporations

and the corporate tool politicians

that they have bought and paid for

have exported the best jobs

to sweatshops in China

and they are never coming back.

Thusly, we watch TV shows about terrible jobs

and are thankful for the ball-busting,

mind- numbing, non-livable wage

paying crap jobs we are left with.


Speaking of white trash, skanks, bimbos,

greed, bringing on the crazy, wrestling, toilets,

trailer trash, corporate owned politicians,

emasculated husbands and multiplying like rabbits

leads us to half- term Governor Palin.

This Caribou Barbie who shoots

wolves from a helicopter

got a show on the Learning Channel

about the beauty of Alaska?

What do learning and this brain dead

Wasilla snow witch have in common?

Can an episode of the Suppernanay

starring Charlie Manson be far off?


Palin compares herself to Ronald Reagan,

though he was a TV star

before he was politician,

not the other way around.

Then again she can’t be a Reagan clone

until she like Reagan helps third world dictators

kill 100,000 citizens, union activists,

nuns and priest in Latin America.

Then again her show is guaranteed to kill

100’s of thousands of brain cells.


Dictators. Notice how it includes the term Dick?

Speaking of dicks we see many

on political TV shows.

Dick Morris, Dick Armey, Dick Cheney…

see the pattern here of why bad

people are called, Dicks?
FOX NEWS employs all three.

FOX NEWS should the word news ever follow FOX?


Other FOX employees are

Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Mike Huckabee.

All hired for their — ahem — “independent” political analysis.

What do they all have in common?

All are GOP Presidential contenders in 2012.

FOX is hoping they own the White House in 2012

just like they own the GOP now.

FOX claims they are unbiased

yet in a breach of journalistic ethics FOX owner

Rupert Murdock gave failed Wall Streeter

and soon to be failed Ohio Governor Kasich

$1 million in contributions and expects nothing in return

which is a funnier line than I’ve heard

on any canned laughter sitcom in years.


I change channels to a real reality show.

CSPAN’s call in show, Washington Journal.

A caller asks, “Where’s Obama’s birth certificate.”

The next one says, “We need to stop Obama’s socialist agenda.”

Next I hear, “You let too many Black people call.”

I ponder how difficult it must be for these callers

to dial a phone in a straight jacket.

I adjusted the TV’s brightness switch all the way up.

I realize it is not working as I switched between channels

for another hour and note all the shows are stupid

I make a note to call the TV repair man.


John Prine : Flag Decal

Jesus, the Missing Years

Television:  chewing gum for the eyes.  ~Frank Lloyd Wright

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