It Could be All in a Name

What in the Hell are you talking about?

I am an American, so I have no clue,

what you mean when you tell me

how many kilometers you get per liter.

Our country never did buy into

that crazy confusing metric system.

Heck, we are still dealing with a lot

of old-timey measurements.

Who knows what a skosh means?

Or other cooking measurements like;

a scant, a shake, a smidgin, a smoot, a speck,

a splash, a sprinkle, a chug, a dash, a dollop,

a helping heap, a hint, a mite, a nibble, a pinch,

a tab, a touch, a tinge, a tuft, a jot, or a gob.

Not knowing these exact cooking measurements,

could lead to a real mess of something.

Tell me what size vehicle I need to haul;

a gazillion of something, a whole passel,

a buttload, a crap load, or a crap ton?

Would that be a carload, a truckload, or a boatload?

How long is it going to take me to haul all this bulk?

I could do it on my downtime and start in a moment, a nanosecond,

a hot minute, a New York minute, or two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

It shouldn’t take me a fortnight, a dog’s year, or a coon’s age.

I could get Joe to help me but he’s slower than molasses.

Mostly, because he is older than Methuselah.

I went to deliver this mass of goods in my old truck.

It doesn’t have GPS, so I got lost along the way.

I had to ask strangers for directions.

I was told my destination was over yonder,

up the road a piece, down aways,

a hop skip and a jump away, near Timbuktu,

a country mile, as the crow flies, a hair to the left,

a stone’s throw away, within spitting distance

and out past where Jesus lost his sandals.

Out of a dozen folks giving me directions

only one guy was correct in the end.

He said, “It is not in this neck of the woods.” 

So, the metric system might not be our cup of tea,

as, we already have a buttload of terms to work on.

There is only one way for Europeans to trick

the USA into using the metric system.

That would be calling it, “Freedom Unit Measuring.”