Look up in the sky.
Is it a bird or a plane?
No, it is a Russian who thinks he can fly.
He is training to be a cosmonaut.
Actually, it is a Putin ally falling out a third-story window.
Falling out of windows is the leading cause of death
in Russia for Vladimir Putin’s foes or even his allies.
Putin has run out of enemies to poison.
He now wants to see if his allies can fly for his fun.
Poisonings and falls mean a shortage of bullets in Russia.
All ammo must be going to fight the Ukrainians.
Silly Russians. You would think they would keep
their windows closed in freezing Moscow winters.
Did he suffer vertigo or are people who know Putin
just incredibly clumsy when they’re near windows?
Russians like their vodka and are vigorous drinkers.
So, of course, falls will happen from time to time.
I suspect the Putin Plunge as the cause of death.
That open window policy of Vlad’s is highly effective.
If it’s a classic and works, why change?
If you do not die from a third-story fall
you will die on the second fall.
Most of these deaths happen from open third-floor windows.
Why aren’t the deaths happening from higher floors?
I suspect Putin’s henchmen are just getting lazy.
Is the average Russian just ignoring all these deaths?
You know, like Americans who ignore mass shootings
and just mutter, “Thoughts and prayers.”
That complacency is why Russia is raining men.
Russian police concluded their lengthy investigation
into the latest death and determined
that gravity is the chief suspect.
They claim the gravity pull in Russia is the highest in the world.
Meaning; that gravity is not your friend and can be lethal.
It was also suggested these fallers had heart attacks.
That can happen when you’ve been launched out a window.
No medical research needs to be done on that.
A KGB agent suggested that victims of
window falls are quite possibly sleepwalkers.
Another agent said there has been a rash of assault windows.
There have been attempts to ban assault windows.
Sadly, the window NRA lobby in Russia is strong.
and is opposed to any kind of window regulations.
Window installers could have done a shoddy job.
We will never know as conservative politicians
support all forms of business de-regulations.
The CIA knows that the Russians have been hacking Windows for decades.
I do remember that private meeting Trump had with Putin.
The one where no U.S. interpreter was allowed.
Vlad was offering him a nice third floor apartment
in exchange for US nuclear secret documents.
Strange all these Russians attempting dangerous
aerial maneuvers from tall buildings
When crossing the road in Russia
remember to look left, right, and up.
“Assassinations makes only martyrs, not coverts.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine
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