Monthly Archives: January 2016

You Want Loyalty? Treat Me Royally.

The Bounty Hunters of the Old West
carried a saddlebag of wanted posters,
listing criminals and the rewards for them.
In these modern times I have a wallet full
of dozens of store loyalty reward cards.
Every store has a loyalty card program
where you can earn money off your bill,
money off your gas, free flight miles
or various other types of free swag.
The cost of having these reward cards
is the loss of much of your personal data.
Not having the store rewards card stops me
from saving money on sales items and getting swag.
Truth is I just want the store to reward me
with a good choice of items at a fair price.
If you want me to be loyal,
how about taking care of me.
I refuse to use your store self checkouts
and let you eliminate store cashiers.
I want more checkout lanes open
with more cashiers and bag boys.
Get me in and out of your store quickly,
then you have earned my customer loyalty.
Trader Joe’s was recently named retailer of the year.
They have the highest customer loyalty of all stores
This despite them having no loyalty rewards cards.
They reward customers by having good products,
fair prices, lots of employees and every register opened.
Harley Davidson also has a loyal customer base.
They don’t make the fastest, best riding,
best handling or best priced motorcycle.
But they do know what their customers want.
That is motorcycles with loud exhausts,
because that potato, potato sound
makes Harley riders feel oh so macho.
Harley riders will wear Harley logo clothing
from their do rag to their leather boots.
They will go so far as getting Harley tattoos
from their head to their toes.
These customers have become billboards,
who use their bodies for product placement.
Sorry U.S. retailers I will never ever go to such extremes.
I will never become a corporate stooge for your product.
Smart businesses should put as much effort
into trying to recruit new customers
as they do into rewarding loyal customers.
If you businesses want to romance me
and try to have a relationship with me,
I need you to make a commitment to me.
You need to promise to quit seeing other customers.
I’m just kidding but at least I got your attention.
Just make sure the beer is cold,
have clothes in my size and by damn
open up more cash registers.

Derick Watts & the Sunday Blues: “Why Men Hate Shopping”


“If men liked shopping, they’d call it research.” ~ Cynthia Nelms

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