Monthly Archives: July 2018

Latrine Nativity

In Stone Ridge, Texas Falon Griffin

began experiencing contractions

and was rushed to the hospital

by her husband, Robert Falon.

She cried out that the baby wouldn’t wait.

They then pulled over and went in a Chick-fil-A

and soon had their baby girl in the bathroom.

The restaurant informed them that they don’t deliver

so next time just come to the drive thru window.

Headlines for a big baby born at Burger King

would have been Whopper baby born at Burger King.

If the parents planned the birth at Burger King

they could say they wanted to have it their way.

If you had your baby at Taco Bell

instead of at a Burger King,

you would be thinking outside the bun.

Of course, a Taco Bell baby would have been born with a lot of gas.

Robert Falon stated to the local media that his wife

“Did something amazingly spectacular and should be congratulated.”

Robert is not very bright and doesn’t realize that women

have been giving birth to babies for centuries.

He did put Chick-fil-A on the spot with his comment.

So, because the baby girl named, Gracelyn

was born in a Chick-fil-A restaurant

she has awarded free Chick-fil-A for the rest of her life

and a guaranteed minimum wage job at age 14.

Their sandwich has 1400 grams of sodium, MSG, artificial colors

and Dimethylpolysiloxane, a silicone-based antifoaming agent

also found in products like Silly Putty and shampoo.

With a diet of these ingredients Gracelyn will never make 14.

Gracelyn won’t be able to eat at Chi k-fil-A on Sundays

as they are closed because they say it’s the Christian way.

Church’s are opened on Sunday and happy to take your money.

If Gracelyn had been born on a Sunday,

it would have been an udder nightmare as

she would have been born in the parking lot.

Chick-fil-A founder Truit Cathy died on a Monday.

He was not allowed to die on a Sunday

as it would have violated company policy.

The CEO of Chick-fil-A has made statements against homosexuals.

Former employees have said that Chik-fil-A is homophobic,

Islamaphobic, misogynist and bigoted.

Which qualifies them to be located next to Hobby Lobby.

It also means everyday is white Christian appreciation day

featuring all white meat from non-laying chickens

who refuse to submit to the unwanted sexual advances of Roosters.

Which means you’re really eating lesbian chickens.

That makes sense because the name, Chick-fil-A

sounds like the name of a lesbian nightclub.

 Women have been kicked out of Chick-fil-A

for breast feeding because it wasn’t kosher.

At Gracelyn’s birth her dad had on a Trump 2020 T-shirt.

 If Gracelyn turns out to be gay Chick-fil-A

will not hire her and dad will disown her.

Dad should have had Gracelyn turn down the food and a job

as conservatives believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.

Which makes as much sense as trying to pick up a chair

while you’re still sitting in it.

Having babies in fast food restaurants instead of hospitals

is Trump’s new healthcare plan to make America Great Again.

 I was born in a hospital like most people.

I wouldn’t want free hospital food for life

but what about free healthcare for life?

I like books so I wish I had been born at Barnes and Nobel.

 When Chick-fil-A founder Truit Cathy died

 he was very shocked to learn

that god is a gay Islamic vegetarian woman

named Adala, which means, justice.

Don’t Chow Down at Chick-fil-A:

“Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?”–Author Ernest J. Gaines







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Ballad of Fai 

A firefly was drawn to the light from a family’s campfire. He thought the lights were thousands of other fireflies gathered for courtship. He had arrived in the United States two days ago. He was only a few days out of his larva stage. His mother had placed his larva on a slow boat from China. She had escaped a Chinese Mason jar (or as she read it from inside a Nosam jar). She was jammed in the jar with hundreds of other fireflies. They were forced to provide light for workers at a Chinese sweatshop. The mother did not want her son growing up under a brutal Chinese regime. While in his larva state the mother read to her son. That is why he turned out bright enough to tell of his plight. She had told him, that his name was, Fai.

Fai wants to inform Americans about the genocide in China being waged on fireflies (or lightning bugs as we in the U.S. know them). China is home to about 100 known firefly species, with perhaps 100 others yet to be discovered. Urban Chinese have flocked to theme parks for massive firefly shows, and the insects have become romantic gifts. Over 17 million live fireflies were purchased in 2016. Most were sold through Taobao, an online shopping network, where one vendor reportedly sells 200,000 per day. Millions are sold to light up celebrations of birthdays, engagements, weddings, and anniversaries. The biggest sale of fireflies is in August for Qixi Festival, also known as Chinese Valentine’s Day. Instead of cards, roses, wine or fine chocolates, Chinese lovers give a jar of live fireflies to their beloved. While the buyers bask in the firefly’s luminous glow, the huge demand means lights out for the future of Chinese fireflies. It’s sad to see genocide against a species for the reason of hate but in this case the reason is for love. The reason fireflies gather in great numbers is because of their own courting instincts. Their love for one another now leads to their ultimate capture and demise.  Those are the facts that should shed a little light on firefly’s situation in China. Fai has come to the U.S. seeking asylum and to plead for social action to save his species.

The first thing Fai saw out of the larva was a spider. The spider tried to eat him as a light snack. The first sights Fai saw as a firefly on the boat were lighthouses along the Outer Banks of NC. The boat landed in NYC. and young Fai felt the warm welcoming glow of the golden light from the Statue of Liberty. These things made him think Americans valued light. He thought that as an immigrant he would be of value and have a career. He felt he would be welcomed as he was fleeing genocide and seeking asylum. Instead he was now confronting angry white men in a red MAGA ball caps, who said he was an illegal immigrant and needed to be imprisoned until he could be deported. He flew away from the men and stated, “Build your wall you insect racist and I will just fly over it.” President Trump labeled immigrants like him as foreigners who murder and rape. Trump called immigrants animals which in Fai’s case might be true a bit. Fai tried to convey that he had value to America. He stated that he could be curfew for children, like in the old days.

Speaking of children, a 6 year-old girl at a campfire had captured our young illuminating immigrant. She had placed him in a Mason jar not knowing Mason jars are a firefly’s biggest phobia. He had been out tonight being flashy and he was now a prisoner in a Mason jar charged with flashing in public. The little girl who captured him had just awoken and carried the jar outside the families camping tent. She lifted the jar and stared into it. Her giant face staring at Fai was all he could see. She tells her mother that the beautiful lightning bug is gone and now she is looking at an ugly beetle. Fireflies are a nocturnal illuminating insect but in day time they are a bioluminescent beetle. The girl opened the jar and freed the bioluminescent beetle. His daylight ugliness had saved his life. The firefly was happy to be free but he told the girl this quote he learned from his mother, “Child until you see the beauty in everyone and everything you are blind.”

I couldn’t imagine a warm summer night without fireflies, Children growing up need fireflies to light their journey to maturity. The firefly’s flash dance brings joy to even the most stoic person. We all need to take a moment to watch, to smile, to enjoy the world’s simple pleasures. It is but a season, and like childhood, like life it to soon ends. Fact is fireflies only live 4 weeks out of their larva stage. Kai made the best of those four weeks. He joined other fireflies in the nocturnal ballet dance of mating. He left behind quite a few new baby fireflies that were born in the U.S. so they were “anchor babies” who were born American citizens. Fai’s mother had named him right because Fai means, beginning.

Owl City: “Fireflies” 

“The fireflies flew up into the sky, free.
I watched them until I could no longer tell them apart from the stars.” ~ Paul Pen






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