Monthly Archives: May 2018

Cooking is a Blast or Killer Griller

A recent survey found that only 15% of gun owners secure their weapons so children wouldn’t have access to them.

In Warren, Ohio a 44 year old man named Robin Garlock said that there were some kids coming over to the house, so his first thought was that he needed to put his gun somewhere safe so the kids didn’t get hurt. He decided to put the loaded gun in his Maytag oven. Without knowing Robin’s girlfriend turned on the oven and started to heat it up. After a while of the oven being on the gun inside got to hot, in fact it was so hot that the bullets that were loaded in it exploded. Two of the bullets went right through the oven door and struck Robin, one in each shoulder. While at the hospital the police did question Robin about what happened, but ended up believing his story when the saw the bullet holes in the oven door.

Cooking is a Blast or Killer Griller


Hiding a gun in his Maytag oven

was a surely a half-baked idea

to implement gun safety.

It gives new meaning to the term, “firing range.”

How does putting a gun in an easily opened device

at floor level secure it from inquisitive children?

You keep kids out of an oven by

putting broccoli or cauliflower

somewhere near the front of it.

Everybody knows you hide your loaded

handgun in the microwave or baby’s crib.

Anyone would have known that a Remington

is just not compatible with a Maytag.

He should have stored his pistol in the Glock Pot.

This is why God gave men grills.

Microwaves spying on us,

now ovens shooting us,

I’m telling you, our kitchens

just aren’t safe anymore.

Green Eggs and BAM!!!

Robin said, “My wife’s meals

can often be very, very deadly.

On this particular day he asked her,

“Hey Honey, when’s dinner?”

He then heard bang, bang, and bang.

She replied, “Don’t ask again.”

It was Roasted lead with a light cream sauce.

Ironically, just at the time of the shooting

the kitchen radio was playing the Beatles song,

“Happiness is a Warm Gun.”

Could have just as easily been the Maytag

repair man who was shot in the kitchen.

The police investigated why the gun fired.

They found the oven had been sprayed with Easy Off.

I wondered if the oven yelled,

“Put up your mitts” before it fired?”

Robin opened the oven having forgot to wear

his Kevlar apron and Kevlar oven mitts.

This oven shooting incident has triggered

a lot of talk about oven control.

The NRA claims the oven shooting

should be blamed on, “metal illness.”

They say we have a Second Amendment

Constitutional right to keep and bake arms.

The NRA is demanding that all appliances

need to be loaded and armed.

A good microwave armed with a gun

could have stopped the gunslining oven.

The NRA claimed, “The only way to stop a bad appliance

with a gun is a good appliance with a gun.”

They were opposed to banning assault ovens as

people will get them somehow, so do nothing.

Trump said, “I’m not interested in this shooting

unless, it happened in Chicago or the oven

was Islamic or an illegal immigrant.

Politicians said, “We are not to speak of the gun.”

We can talk about Robin’s IQ level or

the obviously poor construction of the oven.

We can talk about the man’s extremely poor culinary skills

but we are NOT to talk about the gun.

That is because guns don’t shoot people

ovens shoot people.

FOX NEWS said this is what happens

when Maytag ovens are on Ritalin

and are allowed to play video games.

Wacky right-wing ministers stated

these kinds of shootings happen

when you take the Bible

and prayers out of kitchens.

They also recommended not sparing the rod

on misbehaving kitchen appliances.

The police questioned everyone in the kitchen.

The found out that the ice maker froze in fear,

the spatula had flipped out,

the dish ran away with the spoon,

the blender kept spinning the facts

and the waffle iron had waffled about what to do.

The refrigerator knew the case was cold

and oven knew the heat was on.

The police discovered that the oven

was licensed to Conceal Carry.

So if we were playing a game of clue.

it was the hot Maytag oven

with the revolver in the kitchen.

In the end the oven admitted guilt

and said it tried to fix stupid but failed.

You can lead a man to common sense,

but you can’t make him use it.

The oven’s lawyer says

ovens aren’t the problem,

guns owners are the problem.

For the future safety of all of us,

I think Robin should hide

his toaster in the bathtub.

He was not charged with any crime.

If he were driving and had wrecked into a ditch

and been injured he would be cited for reckless driving.

Ironically, to drive a vehicle,

requires training,

a license and insurance.

Owning a gun only requires cash.

To Robin I’ll send along,

laughter and tears.

The Beatles: “Happiness is a Warm Gun”

“When a country with less than five percent of the world’s population has nearly half of the world’s privately owned guns and makes up nearly a third of the world’s mass shootings, it’s time to stop saying guns make us safer.” ~ DaShanne Stokes

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Millennial Exodus

My wife and I are driving to Charlotte, North Carolina.

My daughter has gotten a job and moved there.

My son is working in College Station, Texas.

Like many parents in the Mahoning Valley,

my children have moved elsewhere to get jobs.

It’s a sad situation for the future of our area.

We are transporting some of my daughter’s furniture.

In West Virginia I noted a Gentleman’s Club

called, “Southern Exposure” and a Bible College

are both located at the same exit.

Along the highway I notice mountains of trees.

I see a fire trail with an observation tower

overlooking the vast expansion of forest.

This while the station on the car’s radio

is eerily playing, Jimi Hendrix’s version

of Dylan’s “All Along the Watchtower.”

West Virginia is beautiful country to pass through.

Politically I was worried about their future.

Now after the recent primaries the voters

have showed they care about their future.

They have voted against Don Blankenship’s

bid to be their next U.S. Senator.

Don is a coal baron who likes to use racist language.

He spent a year in prison for violating mine safety standards

that led to the death of 29 West Virginia coal miners.

Don has showed no repentance for his crime.

He is happy his parole is up so he can get his guns back.

I was also happy to see that state legislator Rupie Phillips

was defeated in the his bid to be a U.S. Congressman.

Rupie will do anything to win including have run

as a Democrat, an Independent and a Republican.

He was charged with domestic battery in 2012.

Like Blankenship, Rupie does not believe in global warming.

We only spend a short time driving through Virginia.

Local sheriffs have speeders pulled over every mile.

I chock it up to just Virginia being Virginia.

From the on ramp a beat up pickup truck

pulls right in front of our car without even looking.

I cannot get in the other lane as a left lane bandit

has been riding next to me for a dozen miles.

I almost rear ended the dilapidated pickup

as it had absolutely no pickup and go.

In a suburb of Charlotte, North Carolina,

we pass a Spanish Evangelic Church.

Its parking lot is filled with modest older cars.

Up the road sits a new huge megachuch.

I dubbed it the Mercedes, BMW church.

We arrive at my daughter’s apartment

and help her move her furniture in.

I call a local pizza shop and place an order.

They said it would be ready for pickup in 25 minutes.

We arrive to pick it up but it takes another 20 minutes.

I forgot to factor in Southern time.

Much like I see in Akron, Cleveland and Pittsburgh,

there are men on street corners holding signs

asking for donations and stating their plight.

My thought is that these guys should dress differently.

I’d suggest a top hat, tuxedo tails, monocle and a cane.

The more they resemble the Monopoly man the better.

I say that because in this country we take care of the rich.

We give them all manner of corporate welfare

while we bash poor people on Social welfare.

We even elected a candidate that filed bankruptcy

several times and stiffed workers who did jobs for him.

Hell, even our so called, elected “representatives”

represent the will of the wealthy not us working stiffs.

We keep voting for millionaires who play golf at County Club’s

So I say, “If you’re begging for money on a street corner

you should dress like you belong to a Country Club.

We stop at a QT which is like our 7/11.

Next to me a car pulls in with a bass booming stereo.

I then hear these lyrics, “Pop Shit, Top Shit,

Pop Shit, Top Shit” real catchy tune.

We go inside to get a fountain iced tea.

Being we are in the South there are several flavors.

The ice is broken and looks like it has been for some time now.

That makes me think about some of the construction standards

I see in places like my daughter’s apartment.

No one seems to be able to miter a corner or spread caulk evenly.

I guess some of that might be because so many people

are moving to Charlotte they are tossing up housing quickly.

From what I see it isn’t necessarily retired people

as much as it is young millennials getting jobs and moving here.

We went to the largest farmer’s market in Charlotte.

We passed on the turnips, okra and greens all which I hate

and we bought the best watermelon I have ever eaten.

It was cool to see senior white men walking

holding hands with senior citizen black women.

Looking around we saw many mixed raced people

and same sex couples all walking holding hands.

Maybe, it is a new South at least in the urban areas.

With an influx of young Northern millennials,

the South could one day turn into blue states.

It would a good thing to see eventually but

it doesn’t take away the hurt of so many of us

having had our children move so far away from us.


Kids sing, “Teach Your Children Well” to songwriter, Graham Nash

“The greatest gift you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” ~ Nishan Panwar


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